we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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