That's intense
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
