Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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