??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
