He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
