just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Dear god my vagina.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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