I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
