fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I have aggressive nipples.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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