i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
