You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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