Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
