Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
