I got chris browned last night
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
