I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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