why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize