then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
