I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
