i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
