I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
