This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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