Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
