Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
