my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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