Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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