i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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