Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
