Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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