Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
my liver is dry heaving
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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