Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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