He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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