The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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