i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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