Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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