Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
she was so not down for the gang bang
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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