Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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