Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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