wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
