Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
