I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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