pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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