so that wasnt chicken after all
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
