Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
