Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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