I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
