I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
porn star boner night. come get it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
