and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
