North Korea, Best Korea!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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