Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
