dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
