I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i love accidental penises.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
