Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
