Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
