i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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