i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
