Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
