In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
