you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize