hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
