hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
