Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
They should really pass out barf bags in church
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
