Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
