I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
