No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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