garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
