Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
