turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
